i love u like gandalf loves dramatic pauses and goin on long walks with a shitton of dudes

Posted 5 hours ago with 4,721 notes


I’m not racist but [throws a dart at a map] lithuanians don’t know shit about [spins a big wheel] creating lasting memories during early childhood?

Posted 6 hours ago with 33,035 notes


Please love your pets because their lives are short and they’ve seen you naked or having sex or masturbating or all three and they still love you

Posted 7 hours ago with 270,670 notes


listen, son. if there was really a monster in your closet this would be a huge new discovery. honestly you getting mauled would be pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things if you think about it

Posted 7 hours ago with 9,350 notes

your fave is problematic: my cat


• doesnt understand the gaza confict
• kind of an asshole

Posted 7 hours ago with 5,530 notes


reblog if you are actually a ghost from the 1800’s that is blogging from beyond the grave

Posted 8 hours ago with 9,516 notes
You could buy 5685 copies of the I've Fallen and There's a Tentacle in My Butt Collection by Edward Naughty with $17000 dollars.


you know this seems like the kind of problem you only have maybe once but ok

Do you think that your 16 year old daughter hasn’t masturbated already? Like, do you really think there’s anything in that scene that this chick hasn’t already tried when the lights go out at night, or in the bathroom, or in the tub, or with the shower head or something like that? I’m telling you, man, I’m not teaching this broad anything new. If I were to create a rating system, I wouldn’t even put murder right at the top of the chief offenses. I would put rape right at the top, and assault against women. Because it’s so insanely overused and insulting how much it’s overused in movies as a plot device, a woman in peril. That, to me, is offensive, yet that shit skates.
Kevin Smith (director) on the ridiculousness of movies about sex receiving NC-17 ratings while extremely violent movies get by with R ratings.  (via ladymargaerytyrell)
Posted 15 hours ago with 20,862 notes



You would think that teenagers would be the rudest customers when really it’s mostly old, middle-aged people.